The Strength of a Woman

Hello Baby,
Hi, how are you today? I am so excited you’re here!  I went out to buy a baby names book. We are keeping our special little secret until we pass that magic three-month mark where they say if you are still pregnant you are probably safely going to finish your pregnancy. You know I had a few pregnancies before you. At the first doctor checkup when she listened for a heartbeat and heard nothing. I didn’t really understand until she clearly said I had lost that baby.  She left the room. I was in a little bit of shock and then broke down with daddy.  All I can remember is that there was no back door to where I could escape the office without being seen. I was broken and just wanted to be gone from this place.

After three more losses, it was almost more than I could bear. Then we were expecting again. I was very cautious about getting excited. Went in and heard the heartbeat. Bo-boom-splash bo-boom-splash. I was on cloud nine. We made the announcement to family and friends. Daddy and I spent the time picking names, planning furniture, and painting rooms. Then BAM! Just before my fourth month, I wasn’t feeling movement so I visited the doctor. I had suffered a ‘fetal demise’. “The baby was dead,”  he boomed. I was in shock again. I couldn’t even have a small procedure to remove the deceased fetus because I was too far along and the baby was a whole baby. He sent me to the hospital, so I was told.

Later I understood I was actually in a hospital annex location where they performed abortions.  I was surrounded by ladies and girls all terminating their pregnancies and all I could wonder was why God had sent me here? In all, I had 8 miscarriages but we so badly wanted a baby. We were not going to give up.

There didn’t seem to be a reason I couldn’t get pregnant. We saw a specialist but before we could get there lo and behold I was pregnant again! With you. But getting pregnant didn’t seem to be the problem. Staying pregnant was. We made a visit to the specialist who did a little blood work. It was certain. I was pregnant but suffered from an immunological disorder and he was going to help make you stick with me even though it seemed my body wanted to suffocate you as it would a virus. Imagine that. Like a virus!  Even the doctor said with his help there is still a higher power that sees these things through.

I guess while I am the problem, I am also the solution. As I take it easy, take my medicine and we visit the doctor every month, we can do this. I am doing everything they are telling me to do now so do your share and we can do this together. You already have by hanging on until now. And here you are in my beautiful baby belly. Every sonogram and test showed you are beautiful and perfect. I got to see you and hear you. So just a little longer and you will be here. Your room is ready and so are we...

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Love, Mommy.